I’m fine

The tiny, half heart sizzles and burns on my wrist
the other half of which you got erased.
I think I’ll take some pills to sleep a little.
I don’t remember when I last slept; must have been days.
I stalk you on Instagram, I’m sorry,
but the lilt and glee in your stories I cannot stand.
I’m not sure if I said this before,
but my heart insists I should say it again.
I’m tired of telling it- you sleep with someone else.
It’s so dumb; it claims you’re still mine.
No, I’m fine.

There is something really funny I did.
If I tell, you’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry.
I’ve been watching a lot of science fictions.
You know all about my addictions, right?
So, I had this light-bulb moment when I thought I figured it out.
I bolted downstairs on a whim; my chest was beating really loud.
And, I walked backwards for whole three days –
my hopeless effort to travel in time.
Trust me it doesn’t work; it’s stupid.
But you might fall in a manhole, and break your jawline.
No, I’m fine.

I’m gonna talk to customer support, and raise a ticket.
I sent you messages on WhatsApp; they’re still not delivered.
I had this issue with my mobile network since we talked last summer.
They promise better services to their prime customer… Don’t they?
I hope your network doesn’t trouble you at all.
I know how much you love to talk even though your mouth is so small.
I’m afraid if you stopped talking, so many people will fall.
How’s Tina, how’s your sister, how’s your Australian pen-pal?
When people ask why I don’t call them, I say I’m on a vocal quarantine.
All I wish either I die or they wipe my memory clean.
It’s about time.
No, I’m fine.

Forgive me if I sound philosophical.
But I had this thought that our existence is a vertical tunnel.
We fell into it way back when humans were apes.
We’re still falling and trust me there is no escape.
All we can do is love each other or we’ll collapse.
There is no other way; there are no maps.
I feel so hollow, I must see you tonight.
Wave at me from balcony; it’s full moon; there’ll be plenty light.
Don’t worry, it’ll be quick. I won’t take too much time.
Because I’m already fucking dying.
Sorry…. No, I’m fine.

man wearing the joker makeup
Photo by Jhefferson Santos on Pexels.com

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Joy says:

    Wow! I am blown away! I especially love the bit about walking backwards to time travel because it really seems to capture the pain and lunacy of heartbreak!

  2. Siddha says:

    You’re so thoughtful buddy…

  3. This is just so Amazing…Your words are Lovely,Soothing and Fabulous..I like the way how you Express the Pain wraped in such Beautiful Words…Keep up the Good Work…

    1. NEKNEERAJ says:

      Thank you Simran!

  4. Lainie Levin says:

    How many times do we say we’re fine…when we’re just…not fine? This poem brings it home.

    1. NEKNEERAJ says:

      Almost all the time.
      Thank you Lainie.

  5. Great expression of how we try to convince ourselves we are fine.

  6. Mary says:

    you can really paint a picture with your words. I was captivated ’til the very end.

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