Sitting in a room lit only by the pale hue of a lamp in a corner, I twirl the glass of double malt whisky on the rocks. Mild clinking of ice-cubes soothes a little my heavy head which keeps on bobbling on its own weight. I look at the illuminating buildings outside my window as city hums frozen. I get the feeling as if time has stopped. At least for me, it has.
I’ve had infinite conversations with you in my head before I had any with you. In merely two months’ time, I had lived with you in my imagination for so long that you’d already started feeling like a family. It’s still a mystery to me, how can anyone become so important even before you had a proper conversation with them? Maybe, we carry the memories of our past lives when we are resurrected, and stay inseparable travelling through cosmic ripple. Maybe, we spend years together in an alternate reality that’s why we feel an instant connection when we first meet our soulmates. Or maybe, we are still together in some reality which somehow makes us crave for their company in this.
You know when you find your soulmate, it’s different than any other experiences you’ve ever had. This pull is emotional and sensual at the same time, with at least a thousand powers on it. It is so strong, you neither can ignore or run or know how to deal with it.
I felt it that day, but I should’ve known that maybe you’ll take some time. When I realized, that for you I was just another person, it was too late. I had already stormed at you with all my love and all my vulnerabilities like one hell of a thunderstorm when you weren’t ready for it. I assumed that the way I’ve known you, you would’ve also known me; that we were on same page.
You must’ve been scared. I know how uncomfortable unrequited love feels. And then add into it at least ten thousand gallons of burning passion! It must’ve been hard for you to comprehend everything at once. Isn’t it?
I take a sip from this cold and burning liquid in my glass, and try to keep my head steady. But my thoughts, I cannot control my thoughts from shooting away. I’ve mulled over the idea of soulmates almost a million times in my hopeless attempt to find a loophole in my theory which could prove your insensitivity toward me. But every time I do that it solidifies even further. Maybe, it’s a glitch that you don’t feel the connection? I’m not sure, neither can I fix it.
I believe that our life is shaped by the choices we make. You made yours when you decided that I was way too passionate to keep, and settled with someone ordinary. I made mine that I’ll continue to love you from a safe distance, and won’t ever cross your path again unless you turn-up at my doorstep.
Then I think of this other theory I have. Maybe, soulmates are never meant to be together.